Why didn't I know anything about spacebat? 
Did it actually have a name?
Did it actually have a name?
*why do women have their period?
*because they earn it
*what do you have to do when your woman is going out?
*re-light her
*why does a woman have one more braincel than a cow?
*so she doesn't shit in the kitchen
*where's a woman after sex?
*in the way
*because they earn it
*what do you have to do when your woman is going out?
*re-light her
*why does a woman have one more braincel than a cow?
*so she doesn't shit in the kitchen
*where's a woman after sex?
*in the way
It's day 2 in heaven and already Jade Goody is up for eviction.
Oh no you didn't
Yup.
lol
lmao.
Apparently Jade Goody will be back on our screens this summer featuring in an episode of Most Haunted.
A vicar books into a hotel and says to the girl behind the desk "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."
"No, it's just normal porn. You sick bastard" she replied.
A vicar books into a hotel and says to the girl behind the desk "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."
"No, it's just normal porn. You sick bastard" she replied.
So this guy walks into a bar, orders some food and eats it, shoots the bartender, then leaves like nothing happened.
So another patron of the bar was like "well what the **** was that?!" and another patron tells him, oh he's a panda bear, he eats shoots and leaves.
A meatball walks into a bar and ask the bartender for a drink.
He replies "Sorry we don't serve food here."
What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
A Jew is a person adhering to the Jewish faith and a pizza is an oven-baked, flat, usually circular bread covered with tomato sauce and cheese with optional garnishes.
Q: Why was six afraid of seven?
A: It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus are incapable of feeling fear.
How many Hindus can you get into a Mini?
4 adults and possibly a small child.
So another patron of the bar was like "well what the **** was that?!" and another patron tells him, oh he's a panda bear, he eats shoots and leaves.
A meatball walks into a bar and ask the bartender for a drink.
He replies "Sorry we don't serve food here."
What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
A Jew is a person adhering to the Jewish faith and a pizza is an oven-baked, flat, usually circular bread covered with tomato sauce and cheese with optional garnishes.
Q: Why was six afraid of seven?
A: It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus are incapable of feeling fear.
How many Hindus can you get into a Mini?
4 adults and possibly a small child.
That's my fave one.
My mate would always try and tell this as:
A man walks into a restaurant and asks 'Do you serve food here?' to which the waiter replies,
'No.'
A guy walks into a pub.
Ouch!
Also, http://www.videovat.com/videos/2624/911-joke-gone-wrong.aspx
Whoops!
And some more...
John gets a call from his blonde girlfriend, Buffy. "I've got a problem," says Buffy. "What's the matter?" asks John. "Well, I've bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges." "What's the picture of?" asks John. "It's of a big rooster," replies Buffy. "All right," says John, "I'll come over and have a look." So he goes over to Buffy's house. Buffy leads John into her kitchen and shows him the jigsaw on the kitchen table. John looks at the jigsaw and then turns to Buffy and says, "For Pete's sake - put the corn flakes back in the box."
Q- What has four legs and an arm?
A- A happy Pit Bull
What should you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run! She has a grenade in her mouth!
Why is a paedophile like a turtle?
Because he gets there before the hare.
There are two fish in a tank, one turns to the other and says, "Crap Mate!! I hope you know how to drive this thing!"
Why is there no such thing as bestialic necrophilia?
Because you'd just be flogging a dead horse.
Q. What did the farmer say when he saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill?
A. "There's a herd of elephants coming over the hill"
Q. What did the farmer say when he saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill wearing sunglasses?
A. Nothing, he didnt recognise them.
Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman,
What have you got there?
Said the Pieman unto Simon,
Pies, you dickhead.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings horses and all the kings men,
Said "F**k him, He's only an egg.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, “How long before I can get a haircut?”
The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, “About two hours.”
The guy left.
A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looked around at the shop and said,” About three hours.”
The guy left.
A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looked around the shop and said, “About an hour and a half.”
The guy left.
The barber turned to a friend and said, “Hey, Bill, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn’t ever come back.
A little while later Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asked, “So where does that guy go when he leaves?”
Bill looked up, tears in his eyes from laughter and said,
“Your house.”
Wrong thread!!!
Oops! Sorry! Tell you what...
- What do you call a judge with no thumbs?
- Justice Fingers.
- What do clouds wear under their clothes?
- Thunderware.
- What's an archeologist?
- Someone whose career is in ruins.
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a pub. The barman looks at them and exclaims, "Is this some sort of joke?!"
-----
A man goes into a pub, and as he walks to the bar, notices that there are peices of meat nailed to the ceiling. He asks the barman about them, who explains:
"It's a competition we have here - it's £10 into the pot to enter," (at which he gestures to a large glass container behind the bar full of money), "and I give you this broom - if you can knock the meat off the ceiling with the broom then you win the whole pot. Do you want to try?"
"No, I don't think I will," says the man.
"The steaks are too high."
-----
A man goes into a pub, and as he walks to the bar, notices that there are peices of meat nailed to the ceiling. He asks the barman about them, who explains:
"It's a competition we have here - it's £10 into the pot to enter," (at which he gestures to a large glass container behind the bar full of money), "and I give you this broom - if you can knock the meat off the ceiling with the broom then you win the whole pot. Do you want to try?"
"No, I don't think I will," says the man.
"The steaks are too high."
Oh dear...
I was talking to a guy in the pub the other night. He said he was unemployed but he used to be a fisherman. I asked him why he stopped fishing. He said he couldn't live on his net income.
I've never said this in my life, but these totally deserve this: LMFAO
I would post another, but I think it would be a misteak.
Yes, that was a joke.
Way to ruin it
A few questions rather than jokes:
Why are the toilet windows on aeroplanes frosted?
Why can't you make any other words from the word 'anagram'?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Why are the toilet windows on aeroplanes frosted?
Why can't you make any other words from the word 'anagram'?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
1. Because Superman is a perv.
2. An am rag
3. abbr.
Man walks into a bar, has a drink, leaves.
Hahahaha, thats quite good, although we are talking about someone who just died of cancer
Ok i got 1, Quite funny,
What do a rubix cube and a penis have in common?
Not much, after 5 minutes playing with my penis I finish, we've had a Rubix cube in our house for longer than I've been alive, it's still not solved (I think I may have switched the stickers when I was little).
The bad jokes thread
(1536 posts, started )
FGED GREDG RDFGDR GSFDG