Here is a thread to share shocking jokes.
What do you get if you cross Lisa Riley and a tin mine?
Heavy metal!
What do you get if you cross Lisa Riley and a tin mine?
Heavy metal!
The bad jokes thread
enlighten me
*cough* white text *cough*
*cough* im a deadbeat *cough*
What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord?
[bettyvoice]My ass
[bettyvoice]My ass
#6
- anbiddulph
bulldog and a shitsu? BULLSHIT!
Labrador and a Poodle? A LABRADOODLE
Labrador and a Poodle? A LABRADOODLE
...
Courtesy of my gf's mum:
A man walks into a a library and says "Can I have a packet of crisps and a pint of lager please?".
The librarian looks confused and replies "This is a library!"
"Oh sorry" replies the man, and whispers "Can I have a packet of crisps and a pint of lager please?"
"Save the Whales. Collect the whole set."
A man walks into a a library and says "Can I have a packet of crisps and a pint of lager please?".
The librarian looks confused and replies "This is a library!"
"Oh sorry" replies the man, and whispers "Can I have a packet of crisps and a pint of lager please?"
"Save the Whales. Collect the whole set."
(thisnameistaken)
DELETED
by thisnameistaken
#9
- anbiddulph
*COUGH* LOOK AGAIN *COUGH*
IDIOT
A your mom joke:
Your mom is like a vacuum, she blows, she sucks and gets laid in the closet....if you know what i mean
Your mom is like a vacuum, she blows, she sucks and gets laid in the closet....if you know what i mean
That joke is old. It's a grade 1 listed joke. It's so old, it's in Des O'Connor's joke book. It's so old, it has full FIJ (Federation International de Jokes) historic papers.
What's got two legs and bleeds a lot?
Half a cow.
Half a cow.
another reason it's so bad.
A man walks into a bar.
He says 'ow!'
It was an iron bar.
He says 'ow!'
It was an iron bar.
What's red and bad for your teeth?
Brick.
Brick.
A bear walks into a bar and asks for a pint. The barman says "Sorry, we don't serve bears." Enraged, the bear bites a giant chunk out of the bar, chews it up and swallows it.
"Now will you give me a pint?" he snarls.
"Hell no, we don't serve junkies either," replies the barman.
"What the hell? I'm not on drugs!" snaps the bear.
"What about that bar bit you ate?"
:doh:
"Now will you give me a pint?" he snarls.
"Hell no, we don't serve junkies either," replies the barman.
"What the hell? I'm not on drugs!" snaps the bear.
"What about that bar bit you ate?"
:doh:
I had to read that three times Hankstar. The worst yet 
that was an oldie and a goodie too... my engish teacher told it to me...
Two men walk on bridge and the one in the middle has no clothes.
EDIT:
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v
EDIT:
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v
******WARNING - ETHNIC JOKE******
An Englishman, a Welshman and a Scotsman were out playing golf, and all three had their wives as caddies...
It was a fairly breezy day, and suddenly a gust of wind blew up the skirt of the Welsmans' wife, revealing a sad lack of underwear! Embarassed, the Welshman reached into his pocket, drew out a £5 note, and said to his wife: "Have you no shame? Take this £5 to Tesco and buy yourself some knickers!"
A bit later, the Englishmans wife suffered a similar misfortune, revealing that she too was bare under her skirt!
"Heavens forbid woman!" cried the Englishman; "Quick, take this £20 note and hurry off to Marks & Spencer and buy a pair of panties!"
As all jokes would have it, a short time later, up went the skirt of the Scotsmans wife, and lo and behold, she too was naked underneath!
The Scotsman turned to his wife: "Have ye no shame lass?, Here, take this comb and at least make yerself look respectable!"
An Englishman, a Welshman and a Scotsman were out playing golf, and all three had their wives as caddies...
It was a fairly breezy day, and suddenly a gust of wind blew up the skirt of the Welsmans' wife, revealing a sad lack of underwear! Embarassed, the Welshman reached into his pocket, drew out a £5 note, and said to his wife: "Have you no shame? Take this £5 to Tesco and buy yourself some knickers!"
A bit later, the Englishmans wife suffered a similar misfortune, revealing that she too was bare under her skirt!
"Heavens forbid woman!" cried the Englishman; "Quick, take this £20 note and hurry off to Marks & Spencer and buy a pair of panties!"
As all jokes would have it, a short time later, up went the skirt of the Scotsmans wife, and lo and behold, she too was naked underneath!
The Scotsman turned to his wife: "Have ye no shame lass?, Here, take this comb and at least make yerself look respectable!"
Warning! Meep meep meep!
Getting a blowjob from a fat girl is like bungee jumping.
It's allright, as long as you don't look down.
*rimshot*
Audience leaves.
It's allright, as long as you don't look down.
*rimshot*
Audience leaves.
1. Yo mama so fat, when she puts on a yellow raincoat, everybody stops and goes "HEY!!! TAXI!!!"
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2. Why are devorces so expencive? Because they're worth it.
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3. Whats silent, smells like worms? Birdfarts
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4. 3 canniballs where sitting in a bar... 2 of them ordered a big glass of blood.. the 3rd ordered a glass of hot water. "Water??", said the 2 others. "Are you insane man?"... The 3rd guy pulls out a used tampon and replys "Tea, my friends.... Tea!".
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5. I got pulled over by the police the other day.. I rolled down the window and the cop went "You drinking?" I said "You buying?!".
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6. I just got married... I've waited all my life to hear those 6 words "My dad owns a liqure store"!
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7. Have you ever woken up with a bad Jack Daniels hangover?? You know its a bad hangover when you wake up and wash your face and the lid falls and hit you in the back of your head!
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8. 3 Words on drinking: "I LIKE IT"!
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9. Why blind people doesnt like to skydive: It scares theyre dogs.
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2. Why are devorces so expencive? Because they're worth it.
-----
3. Whats silent, smells like worms? Birdfarts
-----
4. 3 canniballs where sitting in a bar... 2 of them ordered a big glass of blood.. the 3rd ordered a glass of hot water. "Water??", said the 2 others. "Are you insane man?"... The 3rd guy pulls out a used tampon and replys "Tea, my friends.... Tea!".
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5. I got pulled over by the police the other day.. I rolled down the window and the cop went "You drinking?" I said "You buying?!".
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6. I just got married... I've waited all my life to hear those 6 words "My dad owns a liqure store"!
-----
7. Have you ever woken up with a bad Jack Daniels hangover?? You know its a bad hangover when you wake up and wash your face and the lid falls and hit you in the back of your head!
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8. 3 Words on drinking: "I LIKE IT"!
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9. Why blind people doesnt like to skydive: It scares theyre dogs.
Thank my dad for that gem. He's got a zillion and most of them are worse than that. This, however, was a favourite of my late grandpa (who was old enough to know better, bless him
).Kevin's in Spain and decides to take in a bullfight. While watching the poor bull get massacred he gets a bit of an appetite, so he goes to the bar next door for some tapas. The waiter suggests "balls on toast", the daily special which he informs Kevin is "taken from the first bull to lose a fight". When it comes, they're massive and smothered in a delicious sauce and Kevin's very impressed. The next day he returns for the balls on toast, and every day for the next week - until one day when he's very surprised to see two very small round things on his toast, not much bigger than olives. Kevin's upset and demands to know what the story is. The waiter, with a grin, says "senor, sometimes the bull wins".
This loser in a night clubsees some cute girl at the bar. He goes up to her and
instantly uses some lame pick up line on her. She responds by saying, "I'm sorry Romeo but I'm a Lesbian". To which he replies,"Really? I had a cousin visit Beruit last summer!"
The next night, he goes to the same bar and sees another cute girl and tries again. She tells him, "I'm sorry but I'm on my menstrual cycle right now". He
says, "That's ok. We can take my car!".
He finally gets lucky, He takes this girl out to the movies. WHen the movie was over, he drove her home, Before she got out of his car at her house, he asked her if he could get a good night kiss. She kisses him. He asks if he could kiss her again. she said yes, and they kissed again. After that, the girl hikes up her skirt and tells him, Now I want you to kiss me where it stinks". ........
So he drives her to the sewer treatment plant and kisses her again.
instantly uses some lame pick up line on her. She responds by saying, "I'm sorry Romeo but I'm a Lesbian". To which he replies,"Really? I had a cousin visit Beruit last summer!"
The next night, he goes to the same bar and sees another cute girl and tries again. She tells him, "I'm sorry but I'm on my menstrual cycle right now". He
says, "That's ok. We can take my car!".
He finally gets lucky, He takes this girl out to the movies. WHen the movie was over, he drove her home, Before she got out of his car at her house, he asked her if he could get a good night kiss. She kisses him. He asks if he could kiss her again. she said yes, and they kissed again. After that, the girl hikes up her skirt and tells him, Now I want you to kiss me where it stinks". ........
So he drives her to the sewer treatment plant and kisses her again.
Guy Ritchie regrets giving Madonna his credit card and telling her to go out and buy herself a nice little black number.
a muslim woman knocked at my door. i didnt open it, i just stared at her through the letterbox....see how she f***ing liked it.
hope no offence was caused by these jokes........if it was, tough!
a muslim woman knocked at my door. i didnt open it, i just stared at her through the letterbox....see how she f***ing liked it.
hope no offence was caused by these jokes........if it was, tough!
The bad jokes thread
(1536 posts, started )
FGED GREDG RDFGDR GSFDG