I live in London, so odds are it'll be some teenage kid getting knifed again.
Although where I used to live in Scotland, that duck story would've been front page news and the first 3 pages as well. Man that was redneck.
MAN CAUGHT WEARING T-SHIRT FOR 3RD DAY!
There was a scandal in Carstairs this morning as John Smith, 39, was caught wearing the same t-shirt he has had on for the past 3 days.
"I was just doing the garden, it didn't seem worth putting a clean one on," he said when questioned.
An anonymous tipster reported his 'filthy behaviour' to the police when a shocked neighbour spotted a grass stain on his left shoulder.
"Well I couldn't believe it," the neighbour, a 64-year-old woman said, "It's like he doesn't have any other clothes. And I know he does, because he has this lovely checked shirt with lapels that I've seen him in a few times. And some nice jeans. But this is the first time I've ever seen him wear the same thing for more than maybe two days in a row. I don't think I can keep living in the area if he's going to insist on keeping it up."
etc.
WOMAN TRIPS OVER STONE
An outcry over a small pebble on a public path began today as a woman, who cannot be named for legal reasons, tripped over it and almost injured herself.
The pebble, of unknown origin and age, did not deny the charges but sat in the courtroom in a stony silence. The pebble, standing at 2cm high and several in circumference, was taken to the dock in cuffs and is considered to be a dangerous criminal. An forensic investigator had this to say of the incident:
"We believe the pebble has been laying in wait for several days, probably not moving at all. It was like it was just waiting for a victim to happen upon it. I for one am glad this vicious and dangerous criminal has been brought to justice. If she had actually fallen or maybe sprained her ankle, I don't know how it could live with itself."
