Before we start, a few rules to remember:

-You have to participate in order to finish.

-You cannot be pissed off if someone blows you up, runs you off the road, etc. Remember, this is a silly race, if you get blown up, you can....I dunno, chant a spell and fix your car and be off again. Be creative.

-You cannot turn the thread into a flame war. Nobody wants that.

-NO IMAGES OR VIDEOS CAN BE POSTED. Everything has to be done using your imagination.

-Have fun, and be creative and funny in your posts.

I also want to add:

No going off topic!!

Are you ready?

5!

4!

3!

2!

1!

GO!!!!

Team Fang starts up the engines, the JATO boosters and heads off in a cloud of smoke, flames, and noise. DK sets the autopilot to follow the pre-programmed NAV points and climbs into a turret, opening the hatch and putting an Irish flag on the top of the Minigun, as well as taking off his shirt and tying it round his head.

Gryphon activates the JATO boosters and hits a small hill, flying 400 feet in the air and rising.

DK was last heard to mutter "oh ****!" and get back behind the controls, leaving the guns in full-auto mode.

no rush for me, got the barbecue going and a few cold beers

I, unfortunately, have had too many beers to drive so until I sober up Zapp will be in command, this can only end badly

I'm off the line asap! I gotta overtake the comp to become FIRST!

Puts a few spuds in the exhaust of the SD1 and climbs back into the support trucks cab and waits for the car to be started.

I scramble with the controls and manage to lock in Zapp on the targeting computer. The car is now behaving scarly like an F-16 with no climbing or descending...

I activate the JATO boosters and land in a military base, picking up a few Apaches for support, and a convoy of interested military police who want to see what is going on.

luckily for him, Zapp utilises his famous 'velour fog' which blocks the targeting computer

Yeah, Vtak got me ahead! Now time to stir things up. I will now put an oil slick all over the road!

*waits to see how other cars will react*

Sneakyyyyyyyy!

I set the car to autopilot and lean out the side, flipping the bird then stop the car

Gryphon hits the oil slick and slides wildly crashing into Zapp and a tree

DK throws a tomato at Zapp's car and then hits the boosters

Jumps in Asurada, selects 1st gear and hits the gas, leaving a cloud of smoke behind from all 6 six wheels and launches the drone to see how far ahead the competition is and to get a lotto ticket.

I climb into the turret and take my shirt off, throwing it into the road, then activating the oil slick and afterburner to create a wall of fire across most of the road.

"SUCKERS!"

I then proceed to get back behind the controls and cut the jet engine and JATO boosters

After several exploded clutches and push starts, Team Asplode gets the Merlin Rover SD1 under way in a cloud of smoke and exhaust flames, leaving behind the smell of burnt Castrol, Rubber and potato.

One of our mechanics got knocked out cold by flying potatos, we have yet to find out who is behind this devious deed.

It wont be long until I gain on the opposition, at which point I will activate the weapon of mass distraction!

Fat bastard ate my damn seat. Good downforce though, keeping the back end inline.

Asurada lets me know about the oil slick and I activate the effect fans for more downforce and drive through the oil slick hoping the car stays glued to the road.



























Which it does. I also wonder when my Rover/Merlin SD1 jacket potatoes will be cooked.

I activate the boosters and lock an AIM-9 Sidewinder on the SD1, launching it with a twitch of my index finger...

I then proceed to select autonav and fall asleep

I suddenly realise my penny farthing is FWD. Fat bastard is just causing me to lag behind! I attach chicken on the end of a rod and sit on fat bastard's shoulders. He chases after the chicken at lightning pace and I edge into the lead!

I open fire on the fat b*stard with the 50 cal machine gun, loaded wth paintball rounds.

I start up the Isetta, only to find out that someone has removed the pins from BOTH of the Holy Hand Grenades!
This is not going to be pretty.

I hack into the military frequency and put out a strike mission on a certain SD1, with shock and awe.

I then proceed to pull over to watch the fireworks

Quote from LineR32 :

Which it does. I also wonder when my Rover/Merlin SD1 jacket potatoes will be cooked.

You can have them if you are willing to pull them out of my mechanic's head.

I have the field in site now.

Is that a sidewinder I see before me?!?! luckily I brought a flare gun with me which takes care of the sidewinder!

Reaches for the switch to activate the weapon of mass distraction, 15 stadium floodlights blast into life, but alas! They are reflecting out of Team Fang's mirrors! For a few worrying seconds I cannot see, until I realise I have sunglasses in the glove compartment.

Airio tells me over the hud that my 0-60kmh time was 1.5 seconds, and that I have 4 good lap points.

I activate my tinted visors to dampen the lghts and then activate my ECM pod, which starts scanning for stuff to hack into and stop.

I then decide to have some fun, I slow down, and hit the afterburners. I just...hope nobody's behind me. I also change the Gryphon's paint to reflective, turning the car into one big mirror.

Fat bastard eats the vegetable oil based paintballs which boosts his energy and continues running at such a speed that usain bolt would double-take!
I re-adjust my seating position as i realise I am sinking into his shoulder flab.

I switch the car into Rally mode and take a shortcut off road to pass every one else. I notice a fork in the road up ahead and stop the car to put up a diversion and lay some land mines across the road for every body else.

I activate the engines and JATO and try to catch up to the fat bastard, hoping he'll run out of energy soon.

In the meantime, I hook up the stereo to an external speaker in the grill and start playng Rick Astley

I notice the landmines on the radar and simply....go round htem