This one's great 
Jason came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk (as he often did) and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.
He gave his wife a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.
When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.
“Who the hell are you?” Demanded Jason, “and what are you doing in my bedroom?”.
The mysterious Man answered “This isn’t your bedroom and I’m St. Peter”.
Jason was stunned “You mean I’m dead!!! That can’t be, I have so much to live for, I haven’t said goodbye to my family…. you’ve got to send me back straight away”.
St Peter replied “Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.” Jason was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.
“This ain’t so bad” he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said “So you’re the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?”
“It’s not so bad” replies Jason, “but I have this strange feeling inside like I’m about to explode”.
“You’re ovulating” explained the rooster, “don’t tell me you’ve never laid an egg before”.
“Never” replies Jason.
“Well just relax and let it happen”.
And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that had ever happened to him… ever!!!
The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous SMACK on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting “Jason, wake up you drunken bastard, you’re shitting the bed!”
Jason came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk (as he often did) and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.
He gave his wife a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.
When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.
“Who the hell are you?” Demanded Jason, “and what are you doing in my bedroom?”.
The mysterious Man answered “This isn’t your bedroom and I’m St. Peter”.
Jason was stunned “You mean I’m dead!!! That can’t be, I have so much to live for, I haven’t said goodbye to my family…. you’ve got to send me back straight away”.
St Peter replied “Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.” Jason was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.
“This ain’t so bad” he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said “So you’re the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?”
“It’s not so bad” replies Jason, “but I have this strange feeling inside like I’m about to explode”.
“You’re ovulating” explained the rooster, “don’t tell me you’ve never laid an egg before”.
“Never” replies Jason.
“Well just relax and let it happen”.
And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that had ever happened to him… ever!!!
The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous SMACK on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting “Jason, wake up you drunken bastard, you’re shitting the bed!”
Okay, but still, it's possible, just say it's air ride
You were talking about your own render? Since you didn't post a pic.. Thought you were talking about Leonardo's render.
Je had het over je eigen render? Aangezien je geen foto hebt gepost... Dacht dat het over de render van Leonardo.
Maybe have it load longer? Or reload?
Either case, it's a pic of a clay render but it's filled with watermarks "fryrender"
Maybe because you're demo. Get a license and you'll be able to delete as many posts as you want
Yeah, I checked afterwards, didn't remember how a FTO looked like, but I had a hunch it wasn't it.
It's the 3000GT!
There's one driving around in my neighbourhood, or a 3000GT, don't know for sure
Atleast you don't see it often!
It has 2 legs and it bleeds?
Half a dog
Women see it in the morning in bed, it's little and hard?
Dead children
What is funnier than dead children?
Dead children in clown uniforms
What is funnier than two children in a barrel?
One child in two barrels!
Rewrite
I had this awesome Subaru Legacy station wagon, it was yellow, then my tv broke and suddenly it was pink and I hated it
AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "run" to "hide." The only two higher levels in France are "surrender" and "collaborate." The increased alert was precipitated by the recent fire which destroyed the French white flag factory, effectively crippling their military
It's 30 seconds the page refreshes, but the image refreshes every 60 seconds, so you never miss a thing
Woops, I posted the refreshing image..
Oh well, come back every 30 seconds to my post and there'll be something else
And look, a second post. Let's keep on topic a bit:
Look, a truck
As my previous post is deleted... Apparently you can always delete your own posts
Look, a truck
As my previous post is deleted... Apparently you can always delete your own posts
Firstly you can only delete posts if it's the last one there, so answering to it yourself makes it impossible to delete anymore. Or you have to delete both. Most forums work that way, I never say anything dumb enough to have to delete a post
And furthermore... I thought the biggest time difference you could have on earth was 24 hours, and USA is mostly 6 hours time difference, not one day and 5 hours.
For easter another C&H special:
Quite out of place in this thread me think, but I do really love Fords. I just happen to drive a newer and slower one
That's some pretty crap photo enhancement there 
It has been proved the kid isn't the father (wonder who it is then though), so it's not such a good joke anymore
Although the girl is kinda too young too..
Although the girl is kinda too young too..
Stole one off dumpert again:
To solve the credit crunch, FIA now came up with a new idea: at least 25 % of employees must be immigrants and give them a suitable job.
*books ticket*
FGED GREDG RDFGDR GSFDG