The online racing simulator
Why There Are No Black NASCAR Drivers.
  1. Have to sit upright while driving.
  2. Pistol won't stay under front seat.
  3. Engine noise drowns out the rap music.
  4. Pit crew can't work on car while holding up pants at the same time.
  5. They keep trying to carjack Dale Earnhardt Jr.
  6. Police cars on track interfere with race.
  7. No passenger seat for the Ho.
  8. No Cadillacs approved for competition.
  9. When they crash their cars, they bail out & run.
  10. They can't wear their helmets sideways.
I'm sorry if I offend.
If so report to Flame CZE.
Quote from CheerioDM :Why There Are No Black NASCAR Drivers.
  1. Have to sit upright while driving.
  2. Pistol won't stay under front seat.
  3. Engine noise drowns out the rap music.
  4. Pit crew can't work on car while holding up pants at the same time.
  5. They keep trying to carjack Dale Earnhardt Jr.
  6. Police cars on track interfere with race.
  7. No passenger seat for the Ho.
  8. No Cadillacs approved for competition.
  9. When they crash their cars, they bail out & run.
  10. They can't wear their helmets sideways.
I'm sorry if I offend.
If so report to Flame CZE.

But there have been black NASCAR drivers... Willy T. Ribbs for one, Wendell Scott, Bill Lester I believe was of a black persuasion too.
Flame, were talking dark violet kind of black.. not mochalatta coffee black.
Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number, you answer the wrong phone.
Quote from BlueFlame :Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number, you answer the wrong phone.

i got an email from chuck norris once, it said if you're read this you lost the game.
‎3 guys were at deer camp. They had to
bunk two to a room.

No one wanted to room with Steve because he
snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to
make one of them stay with him the whole
time, so they voted to take turns.

The first night, John slept in Steve's room and
came to breakfast the next morning with his
hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. The
rest of the guys said, "Man, what happened to
you?"

He said, "Steve snored so loudly, I just sat up
and watched him all night."
The next night it was Garry's turn. In the
morning, same thing--hair all standing up,
eyes all blood-shot. Once again they asked,
"Man, what happened to you? You look awful!"

He said, "Man, that Steve shakes the roof. I
couldn't sleep a wink. I just watched him all
night."

The third night was Herb's turn. Herb was a
big burly guy who loved to fish and hunt -- a
man's man.

The next morning he came to breakfast bright
eyed and bushy tailed. "Good morning," he
said.

The guys couldn't believe it! They said, "Man,
what happened?"

He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went
and tucked Steve into bed and kissed him good
night. He sat up and watched me all night
long.
My girlfriend thinks I'm a pedophile. But hell, what do eight year olds know...
I phoned my boss this morning and said "I can't come into work today, I'm sick."

"How sick?"

"Well, I'm in bed with my 8 year old sister."
Q: how many cops does it take to change a light bulb?
A: none, they just beat the room for being black
(1) Name your iPod 'Titanic'
(2) Plug it into the computer
(3) "Titanic is syncing"
(4) Press cancel
(5) Feel like a hero
Quote from dadge :(1) Name your iPod 'Titanic'
(2) Plug it into the computer
(3) "Titanic is syncing"
(4) Press cancel
(5) Feel like a hero

(1) Name your home WiFi "Al'Qaeda Terror Network"
(2) Connect to it using you laptop
(3) "Connected to: Al'Qaeda Terror Network (secure connection)"
(4) Feel like a terrorist

Vain
These are easy.

(1) Name a folder on your computer "Home" and put it into folder named after the place where you live
(2) Create folder "Canada"
(3) Move Home folder into the Canada folder
(4) "Moving Home to Canada"
(5) Feel like canadian. Eh.

(1) Label hard drive "That Ass".
(2) Windows asks: "Do you want to back That Ass up?"
(3) Feel like Juvenile.

Stolen from somewhere I can't remember at the moment.
If John has 50 candy bars and eats 45, what does he now have?

Diabetes. John has diabetes
A woman enters a grocery store and says: One cucumber please!

The shop assistant replies: Why don't you take two so you've got one left over to eat...

A cop pulled me over and said "papers".
So, I said "scissors I win" , and drove off...
Not a bad joke, but nowhere else to post... Also, I think this only works on English version of Google, you should be able to switch to it on the bottom of the page...
So, go to Maps, type "The Shire" into "my location" and "Mordor" into "destination", then switch to walking and see what happens
My mate set me up on a blind date for last night.

He said, "She's a lovely girl, but there's something you should know... She's expecting a baby."

I felt like a complete eejit waiting in the pub wearing nothing but a nappy...
Been a while since I last contributed to this thread, so here it comes:

What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown?
Does this taste funny to you?

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese.

Why is 6 scared of 7?
Because 7 ate 9 and 10...

What has four legs and one arm?
A happy pit bull.

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It is two tired.

Why was the boy afraid to eat his lunch at the beach?
He was afraid of the sandwich
All fantastic

I can't remember if this is a repost, but

Two snowmen were standing in a garden. One says to the other, "Can you smell carrots?"
Quote from amp88 :(1) Label hard drive "That Ass".
(2) Windows asks: "Do you want to back That Ass up?"
(3) Feel like Juvenile.

Stolen from somewhere I can't remember at the moment.

Cool song TY.



This thread is cracking me up lmao.
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
Oh snap!
What a twist! Straight from M. Night Shamalamadingdong

The bad jokes thread
(1536 posts, started )
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