Ok in game its fine blah blah
In the setup for the wheel on desktop where you can choose the spring centreing force etc etc I want to get a Strong Feedback steup that rumbles when i go over tracks and stuff but isnt so heavy I ned a freind to help turn the wheel
any suggestions?

Hmm, did you make sure to turn FF up in the profiler? Also, in LFS, I think that you can turn Force Strength up.

lots of the button >

Check screendumps to see how I set it up, hopefully it will help you.