OK, So here it goes. I have had a pretty rough last year. Just getting out of boot camp starting Wyo tech, then deciding to goof off, do some things I regret and get into some things I shouldn't have. I got kicked out for 6 months, I went back hoping to do better. Again I did not enjoy myself and find myself back home. I withdrew from Wyo tech and decided to cut my loses, I owe about $17,000 to them now. I did fortunately get a job for the local Nissan dealer but I am still waiting on a call when to start.

I do know I got the job because my mom's friend from work's husband works there and told my mom I did get it. I am a little stressed lately though. My ex girlfriend of 3 years left me before I left for the very first time to Wyo tech. She is now back in the picture. But There is a girl I had met while at school. We still talk and she wants to date but I am not one for long distance relationships. Now my ex has a fiance and expects me to be OK with the fact. I do still love her and I find it hard to just be friends.

But Where I am going with this is, I am having a really tough time getting back into being happy. I am always sleeping throughout the day and staying up late up to no good. I feel as though if I am not utterly intoxicated or high im not happy. Idk quite what to do with myself anymore.

As of recent I have used LFS and played to relief myself and it seems to be working quite well. I am just venting and maybe and hopefully there is someone out there that feels compelled to give it a go and give me some suggestions?


(And please do not bash me I just needed to vent a little, and I find Some of the people on this site are truely helpful in life situations. I still am young and would apperciate advice from a wiser person.)

In the nicest possible way - get on with your life. You cant really go anywhere good if you have nothing to do all day, massess of debt above your head and are constantly pining for a girl you can't have.

You've gone through a lot of changes to try to find out what you should do with your life, and from what I gather so far most of them have gone wrong - consider this an oppurtunity to find something that does work.

One advice i can give if you're feeling like you're unhappy and wasting your days (sleeping throughout the day etc)...

Don't sleep throughout the days, try to get up in the morning. Then take five minutes to sit down with a piece of paper and a pen, and ask yourself the following questions (write them down and answer them for yourself):

- What am i grateful for today?

- What do i want to achieve today?

I know it sounds stupid maybe, but trust me, it will help.

Sometimes it's good to remind you of the things you have in your life, so that's why you ask what you're grateful for. It can be little things, like the sun shining outside, having good friends, family, not living in war, having food in your fridge, being able to listen to music, being healthy, etc.

The other question is so you can set small goals for yourself that you are able to accomplish on an every day basis. It can be little things aswell here, and they don't necessairly have to be work related. It can be something like "today i will smile at people and approach things with a positive attitude." or something like "today i will clean up the basement which i wanted to do since weeks", etc.

At the end of the day, take another five minutes and ask yourself the question: "What did i achieve today?". Write it down aswell, reflect the day and look at what you wanted to achieve.

Another good question for this is: "In what situation did i follow an old habit (a habit you don't like) today?". And then as a following question: "How will i react next time in the same situation to avoid following the same old habit?".

You can add more questions/statements to this like: "Today i'm proud of myself because of...". Again, it can be little things, like that you're proud of yourself because you got a friendly reaction out of somebody because you approached this person with a positive attitude, etc.

This should help you to reflect things better, to see where you feel like you need to work on something, and to see the things you are proud of, grateful for, to see what you achieve every day. Trust me, this helps a lot, give it a try.

Also, try to do work if you're feeling unhappy. I'm sure there's things you wanted to get done since a long time, whatever little things they are. Working on something can make you feel a lot better opposed to doing nothing all day long.

Try to remind yourself of who you are, try to think of all the things you're good at, what are your talents, what makes you special, what do other people like you for? Try to remind yourself of all the things you are blessed with. Go outside, talk to people, friends, family... try to put a smile on your face, it's all about positivity.

And last but not least, this made my day yesterday, maybe it'll put a smile on your face aswell: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErMWX--UJZ4

Set yourself a goal. A goal that you want to achieve, and that gets you out of bed in the morning and out of the house. Get fit. Or learn to fish. Or build a RC plane. Anything really, just so long as it motivates you the majority of the time.

Don't play computer games. Try not to even use the computer - this is rarely (never?) the route to happiness and fulfilment, let along health and wellbeing.

Eat healthily. It's hard to do - sometimes you just fancy that chocolate - but instead on munching on crisps, make a small salad from lettuce, tomato and cucumber. Simple, cheap, filling and good for you.

The more time you spend outside, and the more healthily you eat, and the more to give you brain and body something to do, the happier you will be.

What Jack, Jibber and Tristan said.

Also:

Quote from greg_slideways :

But Where I am going with this is, I am having a really tough time getting back into being happy. I am always sleeping throughout the day and staying up late up to no good.

This isn't helping you either. I have had such a sleeping pattern for weeks too. It made me feel indifferent to most things, moody, tired and lazy.

You'd better do what worked for me as well: skip the coming night. You'll be very tired at 10pm tomorrow evening. That'll get you back into a proper sleeping rhytm very quickly.

If that's too harsh, try going to bed one hour earlier each following day. Tomorrow at 3am, the day after tomorrow at 2am, the day after that at 1am etc. etc. until you end up at 10pm.

Take care

Just out of curiosity, does having a fiance mean anything in America? Especially when your ex is that young, it probably doesn't mean anything.

Quote from JJ72 :

Just out of curiosity, does having a fiance mean anything in America? Especially when your ex is that young, it probably doesn't mean anything.

Where as marriage doesn't mean what it use to to A LOT of people it does still hold a greater than it would seem. (I don't know how to answer this better, and am not going to ramble on about how I know this - it is a similar experience as Greg though)

- And Greg; You've never been a goal orientated person as far as I know and remember. I mean you did have a few goals for yourself back in the days, both dealing with LFS and your real life. I remember you being a happy as shit little punk about going to boot-camp to sort out your life; I'm sorry to see you did a complete circle as you say.

It's not always easy to break habits, and hang out with 'types' that aren't the typical 'type' you hang out with. What I mean by that, is if you always enjoyed hanging out with people whom are influencing you in a bad way it's not always easy to just hang out with new people - even after moving or something. Even if its not easy that is one part that needs to change to help you remove that part of your life.

---

As far as the girl problems; long distance to do or not to do, if you think or know it doesn't work; then don't try. Even when both parties have a good feeling it will break down and deteriorate slowly and painfully. About the 'one that got away' you will always love her in a special way. But like me you probably need to remind yourself to 'get over it' Well, I know from experience I will never get over it; even in the scenario I find someone 'better' or for me. She's had, has and always will have a special part - memories. That is all you and I miss. That and the opportunity to create more memories among other things.

---

About sleeping during the day and awake during the night; I don't mind it, although I am a programmer and it is part of my nature, I've never really cared when I am sleeping. What is more important than when is how much you sleep and what you spend your waking hours doing. Being productive is relative to your state of mind, a goal orientated person may be able to do said things above; but I have a feeling those won't work for you where they would for me or someone else.

I would say start a project, that is small and hands on. Something as simple as a popsickle stick structure, or fiddling with a car as you're very interested in that. Then each day go out and spend a few hours doing that project, it doesn't need to have a sight in end, although in my experience I like having the concrete goals. Just get out buddy, there is something that will be useful for you; and only you can decide that.

This is what I know (YMMV, tho):

Excessive use of "tranquilizers" (games, TV, food/booze/pills, etc.) usually means that you are unhappy about some part of your life. Better find out what exactly that is, face up to it and try to do something about it.

Don't worry about finding a GF. Eventually, everybody who is looking for a mate will find one. (The tricky part is deciding if you can be happy with her for a long time...)

Passivity is bad for you. That incudes waiting for a girl who may have other plans, and waiting for a job opportunity that may not materialize. It's wise to keep your options open.

Exercise is also good for your mental health. (Something to do with brain chemistry.) Sports or any other regular workout helps to fight feelings of depression.

Quote from tristancliffe :

Set yourself a goal. A goal that you want to achieve, and that gets you out of bed in the morning and out of the house. Get fit. Or learn to fish. Or build a RC plane. Anything really, just so long as it motivates you the majority of the time.

Don't play computer games. Try not to even use the computer - this is rarely (never?) the route to happiness and fulfilment, let along health and wellbeing.

^ This.

You're a good guy Greg - I'm sure with a little work everything will turn out good for you.

I'd say playing a bit of LFS is good, of course, but not too much as it'll take over your life :hide:

As for the girl thing - my motto is "There's plenty more fish in the sea"

EDIT: Oh, and depending what kinda music you're into, music could help

Tristan speaks wisdom.

I'm going through my own rough patch, too, and I know how completely debilitating and unmotivating it is. You'll pull through it.

Thank you, everyone for the nice words. I am signing up for a sat LFS league the tboc. So I got something to occupy my time. I also skateboarded today and again tomorrow. I'm not as down. I ended up smoking but eh. Im making it I guess.

Just go get a job. It makes you forget everything.

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." - Helen Adams Keller

I call lies. Helen Keller couldn't read, think, spell, or taste. How could she say something so profound as that. Especially in German occupied Jew-town with no arms or lips.

Quote from greg_slideways :

Snip.

Look fella, THAT ^ isn't a rough life, it may feel rough to you, but in reality it isn't.

Be thankfull for what you have.

You're depressed. Weed and booze are also depressants that are causing you to isolate yourself, give up on your goals, and constantly shoot yourself in the foot at every turn. Clinical depression is treated by a combination of therapy and anti-depressants. There are some people who are functional and happy on weed, but for guys like you and me, the feeling is temporary and only deepens the depression. I know all this because I'm going through pretty much the exact same situation you are, but I know answers and guidance are best gotten from psychologists, not internet racing forums.

Quote from flymike91 :

You're depressed. Weed and booze are also depressants that are causing you to isolate yourself, give up on your goals, and constantly shoot yourself in the foot at every turn. Clinical depression is treated by a combination of therapy and anti-depressants. There are some people who are functional and happy on weed, but for guys like you and me, the feeling is temporary and only deepens the depression. I know all this because I'm going through pretty much the exact same situation you are, but I know answers and guidance are best gotten from psychologists, not internet racing forums.

That's not entirely true. Weed isn't a "depressant". Weed will exaggerate your feelings normally. If you're depressed, weed will only make the feeling worse, if you're happy, it'll make you even more happy.

I'm sure there are people who could possibly get depressed from smoking weed, but that's mostly because it also gives your mind a "boost". Some people can't stop thinking about all kind of things when they smoked weed, they exaggerate their thoughts and end up confused and a bit lost (which might make them feel depressed, since they can't handle all their thoughts anymore).

Weed is something that can cause very individual reactions, but it sure isn't a depressant. It's more of a stimulant type of drug, which can of course also stimulate negative feelings.

And don't tell me i'm talking out of my arse, i smoke weed since almost 15 years and am a pretty active, motivated and happy person most of the time.

Disclaimer: Smoking's bad, drugs are bad... don't see me as a role model please. :P

I said some people are happy and functional on weed.

You're right. I appologize for not reading your post properly.

Quote from danowat :

Look fella, THAT ^ isn't a rough life, it may feel rough to you, but in reality it isn't.

Be thankfull for what you have.

Such is the state of youth today at the hands of parents afraid of any harm or disappointment coming to their children. The lack of struggle experienced by children today leaves them woefully unprepared for life.

If you want to fix this, I propose a solution: Drop everything and hit the street. No food, no money, no nothing except the clothes on your back. Be resourceful. Find food and shelter any way you can. Find a job and take it. Start walking into businesses and telling them you want a job. Most will probably say no. Most, but not all. You only need one to say yes.

Find out what it takes to survive on your own. All your other problems suddenly won't matter anymore or will seem laughably small.

Quote from Forbin :

Such is the state of youth today at the hands of parents afraid of any harm or disappointment coming to their children. The lack of struggle experienced by children today leaves them woefully unprepared for life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe1a1wHxTyo